This is some quote that I like from Joshua Harris's books: "Boy Meets Girl".
This books tells us about a courtship. A courtship is doing a relationship on purpose, and the purpose is to find out if God would have you and your couple marry.
Ok, here's some quote from part 1:
"Don't let impatience get the upper hand. Be her friend, but don't communicate your interest until you're ready to start a relationship that has a clear purpose and direction. You don't want to play with her heart."
"A man only pursued a woman romantically when he had the intention of pursuing marriage. He honored the protective care of the girl's parents by seeking their approval for pursuing their daughter."
"From the start, our pursuit of intimacy was paired with an openness to commitment. The difference was that now our activities and the time we spent together had a purpose beyond mere recreation, and that purpose was clearly defined"
"Courtship is a commitment - it's a promise not to play games with another person's heart."
"God doesn't have a one-size-fits-all plan for relationship."
"Falling in love was God's idea. Hw was the one who made us capable of experiencing romantic feelings, who gave us ability to appreciate beauty and experience attraction."
"God is the Author of romance"
"Romantic love is the kite that catches the wind and tenaciously heads for the sky; wisdom is the string that tugs downward, holding it back"
"Without the string holding it in the face of the wind, the kite would quickly come crashing to the ground."
"Romance without wisdom will soon take nosedive. It become selfish, indulgent, and even idolatrous"
"Romance says, ' I want it now!'. Wisdom urges patience"
"Before they've built a friendship, they start playing at love. Before they're even thought about commitment, they're acting as though they own each other. Mishmash romance, like mishmash food, is an unappetizing mess."
"Wisdom calls us to slow down"
"If you're not ready to get married, don't grab at a relationship. Patiently wait for the right time to start one that can eventually lead to marriage. If you're ready for marriage and you're in a relationship, don't let impatience cause you to rush. Take your time. Enjoy where God has the two of you right now."
"Romance says, 'This is what i want and it's good for me'. Wisdom leads us to consider what's best for the other person."
"Wisdom in relationships involves a selfless desire to do what's best for the other person."
"Listen to the kinds of questions we ask when we're guided by a selfless desire to do what's best for another:
- Is starting this relationship now what's the best for him?
- Will expressing all my feelings now serve her?
- Are my actions encouraging him to love God more?
- Am I communicating clearly and in a way that helps her?
- Does the way I dress encourage him to have pure thought life?
- Will kissing her be what's best for her in the long run?"
"Romance says, 'Enjoy the fantasy'. Wisdom call us to base our emotions and perceptions in reality"
"Wisdom calls us to base our feelings on accurate information, not distortion."
"If we don't know something about him or her, we need to talk, ask probing questions, and discover who really they are - their values, their motivations, their goals."
"Observe each other in real-life settings - in families, in church life, with friends, handling a pressure at work."
"Courtship is a time to see the good, the bad, and the ugly one we love. Then our emotions and decisions about the relationship can be based on fact."
"You're ready to start a courtship when you can match romance with wisdom."
"It's not wrong to desire marriage. But what would you say your greatest motive is for starting a relationship? Is it the confidence that you're ready for marriage and that God has brought someone godly into your life? Or it is impatience? Are you characterized by peace or anxiousness? Don't start courtship until you can proceed patiently"
"You can't have a purposeful relationship or set a clear course for it when marriage is so far off."
"Have you taken the time to learn more about the other person's character? Don't follow your feelings until you've tested them"
"The right time and age to start pursuing marriage will be different for each of us. But one thing we should all have in common is waiting until romance can be guided by wisdom. Then we can experience the season of courtship at the right time, and the right pace with a clear purpose and a clear head. This is romance at it's best."
"Anyone can have passionate feelings, but only those who seek God's purpose and timing can know the true joy of romantic love fulfilled."
"A list of question to help him determine whether it was the right time to think about marriage:
- Am I prepared to lead my wife spiritually and serve her in every way?
- Do I have proven character, and am I growing in Godliness?
- To whom and for what am I accountable?
- How am I in the church? What are my gifts and ministry areas? What are hers?
- Are my motives for pursuing marriage selfish and worldly, or are they to honor God?
- Can I provide her financially?
- What do my pastors an parents have to say?"
"The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but in that we want it too much."
"Letting go wasn't easy. The emotional attachment were strong... 'Can I change my feelings and emotions?'. 'You can,'... 'but first you need to change the way you think about Neil. Then your emotions and feelings will follow.' "
"Remember, God is interested in the journey, not just the destination."
"God knows all things. He knows whom we'll marry before we meet him or her... Our responsibility is to love Him, study His word, deepen our relationship with Him, and learn to evaluate our choices in light of Biblical wisdom."
"I'm not saying that initiative isn't required or that sitting around waiting for the Lord to drop a wife into your lap is somehow godly. As the old saying goes, 'Lack o' pep is often mistaken for patience.' Neither should you mistake a lack of courage for wisdom."
"Our romanticized ideal of what we want in a spouse is often different from what God says matters."
".. we should very carefully examine our criteria for a spouse to see if they are in line with God's."
"Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one's life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down. Perhaps it crept to one's side like an old friend through quiet ways. Perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music. Perhaps... perhaps... love unfolded naturally out of beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath."
"Perhaps.. perhaps.. we should entrust our question of 'how?' and 'who?' and 'when?' into His tender care."
